Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
50% drunk capacity currently
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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