1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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