"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
