An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
