This girl is more easily done than said...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my being single is dangerous.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
