defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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