It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
