He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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