Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
