Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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