he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
