The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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