The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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