You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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