): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
