yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
