Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
