Me too!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
