some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
