Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
