did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
