whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
