If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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