im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
