if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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