I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
