Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
