did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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