Sry I called you an 8
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
