Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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