I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
