I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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