i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
