The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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