Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
