And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
