I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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