I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
