Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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