when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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