: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
