Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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