I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
did i just pee glitter
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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