All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
