There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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