just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
