That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
