Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
