tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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