if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
