I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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