Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
