we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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