She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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