Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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