why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can Purell be used as lube?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
