I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
