everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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