Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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