I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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