omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
