someone threw a dead crab at me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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