Cold hands, warm shart.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
