i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
