Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
