Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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