If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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