It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
