No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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