WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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