drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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