moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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