Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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