I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
