her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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